Remember that when you leave this Earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received, only what you have given, a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage. -St. Francis of Assisi

Thursday, October 4, 2012

October 4 2009

October 4th - The Feast Day of St Francis

May 1976   San Diego

May 2009  Arches National Park

Today, October 4, 2012
You have been gone 3 years - I can't believe its been that long.
But sometimes it feels like I've been alone for much longer than this. 

*      *     *     *     *    *     *     *     *      *     *     *   

I've changed, I had to. I have to start all over again and create a new life. No one to talk things over with, I have to make all the decisions myself - right or wrong. We were total opposites and, of course, we did not always agree. But we managed to compromise and we had a lot of the same dreams for the future.

You know that I am doing some things that you never wanted to do.

But, I think that I could have talked you into some of this :)

So, where are you going to follow me to next - I know you are watching. Grand Canyon, Alaska, Maine.
Remember.....we talked about going to Iceland, that's still on my list.

Although I am traveling around, this new life is not always all fun and roses. I am still a work in progress.  I want to be happy - but without guilt and fear. There are so many opposing emotions in everything I do, in every decision I make. I am doing the best that I can and I will never forget you. You are always with me as I travel.  

~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~

When you asked me to take this photo
You said
"If you're not living on the edge,
You're taking up too much space"

Love you, always

I have to trust that God knew what he was doing, when you left this earth. It is not healthy to live with the thoughts of.....if only I could have, if only you would have....thinking that we could have controlled God's will.  I can't change the past, I can't have my old life back, I have to move forward. I have to believe that everyone has a certain number of days here on earth and that all of this is part of a greater plan.

I don't want to second guess our life together or the decisions we made.  I don't want to spend my days wishing we had done things differently, there is no guarantee that the outcome would have been different. I want to enjoy the memories of the years we had together.

"The death of a family member or friend is devastating. In fact, it can take five years or more for a person to adequately work through his or her grief, but because we live in a fast-paced society, we often sweep it under the rug or ignore it altogether. God has another plan." 

 Man's Way: Numb the pain  God's Way: Heal the pain
 Man's Way: Don't talk about it  God's Way: Share your pain
 Man's Way: Time heals  God's Way: Faith heals 

This blog post is part of the healing process.

There are a lot of good resources on the internet
for widows and widowers, share these websites. (based in Illinois)
Chera Fellowship

Hundreds of books about grief are online or at the local library.


  1. Know what you mean Teri, I still have not accepted my younger brothers death to cancer in 2009, when I went back to Pa to be my sisters nurse, I was really uncomfortable when people would say , "Oh you look so much like Rick, even my niece would say how I reminded her so much of her Dad". I hope someday I will be able to deal with it just typing this brings tears to my eyes. Be safe out there. Sam & Donna...

  2. Teri, this was so moving. I remember when I first started reading your blog how impressed I was with your gutsiness and willingness to go forward. You have reminded me again why your blog is one I will always read. Your journey is inspirational.

  3. Thanks for sharing...this post brought tears to my eyes. I admire your courage in jumping out into the unknown and forging a new path for yourself.

    My dad passed away unexpectedly in Feb. 2007, and I still miss him, and think of him just about every day.

  4. Teri, this was an extremely moving post for me. My TJ will be gone 3 years October 25 so we are on a very similar time line. Our journeys may be different but we share grief in common.

  5. Teri - I wanted to let you know how thoroughly I enjoy reading your blog. I am a fellow NPS junkie/geek and love reading about your adventures - of those I am a definitely jealous!

    I want to express my love and hugs to you today on this tough day in October. It is not easy marking those memories. Like Sandy, I too am approaching a big day - 4 years on October 28th. Thank you for being an inspiration and seeing the positive in working forward and accepting the challenge of this new life.

  6. Life does go on and somedays are always harder than others..hugs to you Teri on this day..even though we have never met I am sure that your husband would be proud of the woman you have become. You are an inspiration to all those who travel, you may be alone as you drive down the road but with the wonders of the internet you aren't. :*)

  7. Teri, thanks so much for sharing.... It was like reading my own heart. I lost my husband and best friend in June a year ago, The hardest time for me was last month as his birthday was 9-7. I had 3 weeks where I could hardly keep myself together. You are truly an inspiration to me. I am finally getting everything done to my RV to be able to go to TX and then on to AZ this winter. Doing what you are gives me confidence it can be done. Please know that you are an encourgement to others. I surely have empathy for you and your situation at this time. (((Hugs!)))

  8. I am so blessed to still have Jim with me even though there have been several close calls. And I've spent time wondering how I will handle his death and myself if that time comes. Reading your post, that is how I want to be able to keep going. I want to be strong (even thought I know I'm not) and be willing to continue to live. This was a wonderful post and a tribute to both you and your hubby. Special hugs to you.

  9. Teri, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I admire how you have been making a new life for yourself. My prayers are with you today and every day.

  10. Beautiful! Much love and hugs to you today and always. You are definitely inspiring! Xoxo

  11. I love this post. Those of us who are divorced or still married, or even never married, will never know how you are feeling. The security that you shared with your husband now rests on your shoulders alone, and that has to feel scarey sometimes. I agree with you that faith will get us through anything, and thank goodness you have that. Just keep going girl, you know Stump is proud of you. :)

  12. I had to dry the eyes a few times to finish this. Time goes by so fast, my mother died in 2009 and I still pick up the phone to call her.

    I think your husband would be very proud of what you have done and are doing.


  13. What a beautiful tribute to the love of your life.
    You have come a long way and you will keep going strong because you have courage.

    I have been struggling again too. But we keep moving forward.

    Stay on your path I know he will be riding shot gun with you.

  14. This was such a beautiful post Teri. I read it in physical therapy today, via my phone, and started to cry. What a lovely, heartfelt post.

  15. Thanks, Teri, for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. You are an inspiration in more than one way.

  16. Beautiful post Teri. Hugs to you and may God's peace rest upon you.

  17. Teri, thank you for sharing your feelings. I'm lucky to still have my husband to travel with. . .but one of my biggest fears is if I survive him. You're an inspiration! It's been hard just adjusting to my only brother's sudden death last January so I can only imagine how horrible it'll be to lose my best friend - or even my parents. Life must go on tho. . .if we can all find our way.


Hi, I welcome your thoughts and comments.

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It is the sandstorm that shape the stone statues of the Desert. It is the struggles of Life that form a person's character ~ Native American Proverb