Remember that when you leave this Earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received, only what you have given, a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage. -St. Francis of Assisi

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Traveling from south TX to Denver

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Teri vs Family

Am I a bad person if I want to keep on going with my plans to move, if family members are having a hard time?

No one in my family knows of this blog, I figured I would tell them about it when I started posting my travel data so they could keep track of me. I talk to my daughter about everything, but I didn't tell her about the blog yet. I needed this to be for me, just me, at this time.

My dad is waiting for information about a leaky valve of his heart, my sister just texted me - her blood pressure is super high, she didn't want to go to the hospital, I told her "just go". 

I really do care about everyone, but does anyone know that I need time for myself, when my husband died (less than 16 months ago), my mother was gravely ill and died 4 months after him. I spend almost everyday with my dad, he works part time and gets out but he has health issues and he needs help to do paperwork that my mom took care of.

I don't want anyone taking care of me, I just want to go and have some time alone so that I can think and figure out what the next step in my life is. I met my husband when I was 16 and married at 18. We were married for 33 years, I need to figure out who I am, now that I am on my own.

11 comments:

  1. Terri,
    Its time to take care of you. Sometimes others especaily family forget about the needs of the person who they turn to. I have had to learn this also. With all my kids who I would do just about anything for had to learn to take care of their own lives.
    In june of 09 my dad was 92 and he called one day and asked me to take him to the hospital to die. I moved into his home and took care of him for 2 1/2 months until he passed of natural causes. I would not trade that time with him for anything in the world. I do have a sister who thought going on her cruise was far more important than our father. And she spent very little time with him when she returned. She will tell anyone she is not a care give. On New Years day 2010 my exhusband was murdered at the hands of his own child from a previous marriage.(who drove me out of the marriage) Even though we were divorced I never stopped loving that man. I was a wreck. I was sick of the world, I sick of people needing me. I was just plain sick. I made up my mind to just leave for the summer. I didn't care if they understood or not. That was their problem to deal with their own issues for a change. I packed my 23' mh and took off. I think it may have saved me from going off the deep end for sure.

    Terri, they will survive. If you don't go looking for you you will be in worse shape than they are. I think your husband would want you to be happy.
    I will keep you in my thoughts always I understand.
    If you would like to e-mail me feel free want2go60@yahoo.com

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  2. family and the dream of fulltiming is a difficult pill to swallow!..Teri, you need to do what is best for you..your husband would want you to do that for yourself!..time for some 'me time'..sounds like you have had a 'rough go of it'..so take the bull by the horns and if you can manage it..head on out on the open road and discover what it is out there!!!
    have a good one!!..and be happy!!..life is too short!

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  3. Family is real. They all have lives and needs. You cannot be a giver again until you have found your own peace.

    You have found a new unreal family. Te virtual friends you will develop here will give you something you need. Respect and the freedom to be yourself, and time to find yourself.

    Peace, sister.

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  4. Follow your heart! The rest will come.

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  5. I think it's really hard to appreciate this when you are in the midst of it, but you have needs as well, and your needs are every bit as important as anyone else's. As has already been said, life is too short (you know this from personal experience as well), and there aren't any do-overs. It's your time to take care of yourself now.

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  6. I agree with the previous posters. We know people who's lives are absolutely frazzled because they have never learned the meaning of the word, 'no.' Driven, used & taken advantage of by friends & family members they do not have any kind of life to call their own. You will find as you come to know more RV folks that it is very common for family & friends of RV people to not understand their chosen 'on the road' lifestyle. Many RV Bloggers start their blogs for family members to read & follow & find out soon enough it is not friends & family who read the blog. Don't know why this is but it just is. Remember, when your old sack of problems gets too heavy just take it to the Problem Store, throw it up on the counter & exchange it for a newer & lighter sack of challenging problems. Life is never without a problem of some kind so it depends on what kind of enjoyable problems you want to saddle yourself with. Well, it all kind of makes sense in my world anyway:))

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  7. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. We only get one life to live. You need to live it the way that is best for you. You can not be expected to solve everyones problems. They will figure it out on their own, just like you have.

    Travel Safe
    Dawn and Denise

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  8. Ahh, Teri. Such a universal problem you are facing. It's about priorities, and about learning to take care of yourself, and as Al says, learning to say "no". Considering how your family seems to be quite needy at the moment, (or maybe most of the time?), it might be the best thing you could do for them and for yourself. Dealing with really dysfunctional people you love is sometimes best done with some distance to add perspective.

    As far as posting your deepest internal thoughts on the internet? It's wonderful for those of us that you share with, but I still learned the hard way that the internet is wide open and can/will come home to get you eventually. Important to be brutally honest, and still only say words that you would be willing to have the entire world read. It's seductive, this internet thing. Especially if it is new to you and all of us are there, on your side, supporting you. Been there, done that. Got the tee-shirt. I actually met Mo on the internet 9 years ago when she was looking for someone to help her sail her sailboat. It's a great thing, but also it is public, completely so. Don't forget that when you are sharing your tender heart with all of us. Hugs to you, Teri.

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  9. Teri,
    I’m sorry about your husband and your Mom, you have my condolences and my prayers. I lost my Mother a year ago and can't imagine what I would have done if my wife had died so soon after or before, it's just impossible to imagine. My family situation seems to mirror yours in many ways. We are constantly helping family; we helped my sister who has been with the biggest drug addicted loser you could ever hope to imagine.

    Both sides of the family have received a lot help from us over the years so I can say this and not feel guilty. They say family comes first and 99.9% of the time I agree except when it adversely affects a person over time or the people who you are helping become dependents instead of family/people in need.

    You need to have time to grieve your loss and time to start a new life and if the same people who demand (maybe not outright but by their actions) so much of your time can't understand why you also need time for yourself then you have to wonder if they are so deserving of your help to begin with.

    For example, my sister, we have been helping her for 8 years now, she continues to make the same bad decisions. In fact, it seems each person except for one that we have helped continues to create the very same problems and requesting the very same help which makes us enablers in their problems so in the end we don’t really seem to be helping them, just helping them continue making bad mistakes over and over.

    So, in the end we have pulled the plug and told people we will always be there for them but we are no longer the bank or the free meal/vehicle/repairs etc… provider since it hasn’t helped anybody. We are planning for the future for the first time since we got married and if family and friends don’t understand or are so selfish they can only respond with “what about me?” Well, makes you wonder if they are deserving of the help they so frequently ask for. I am becoming a tough love person; my sister now for the first time in her life is being forced to handle situations on her own.

    In the end you will decide what is best for you but I do hope you go forward with your plan to fulltime and start living your life so you can heal. Going to the RV life style doesn’t mean you’re giving up family or friends at all, it just means that for once they will have to wait for you to be available instead of being at their beck and call.

    As for the blog being private from family for now, my wife and I have not included family in our blogs and if and when you do allow it, they may be hurt at first but again, they have to understand you have feelings too and this was your way of getting things out, they will understand at some point even if they don’t at first.

    Erik

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  10. Not much to add to the previous...definitely time for you. In addition, if you want to keep this blog for "you", just start a second one for "family". Blogger allows you to hide a blog so it won't be displayed on your profile. No need to edit this one.

    Hang in there...

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  11. Learning to be selfish after such long time living the selfless life is a tough thing to do. However, there comes a time for everyone to be a little selfish for their own sake (sometimes called taking care of your "self"). It sounds like this is your time.

    Remember, all life decisions can basically be boiled down to two choices; accept or change. You either accept things as they are or you change them. Both choices are equal and valid. Neither is more important then the other. It sounds like your leaning towards change, but if acceptance is ultimately your choice, then that is OK too. Once you realize your making a conscious choice, either way, it confirms that you're in charge of your life and it brings you peace. It took me a while to learn this and it may only apply to me, but if you can find a semblance in your life, I wish you peace of heart and soul.
    darrell

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Hi, I welcome your thoughts and comments.

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