Are you unsure of your role in life? Do you feel like you don't know the "real you"?
Theorist Erik Erikson coined the term 'identity crisis'. It's a time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself. He said the emergence of an identity crisis occurs during the teenage years.
I didn't have typical teenage years, my youngest sister was born the week I graduated from grammar school, both parents worked and had other issues, so my oldest sister and I quickly became caretakers of an infant. I started a full time job at a bank when I was 16 (enrolled in a special school program, I received credit for working). I grew up too fast. I married young and didn't go to college, so I didn't have those wild carefree days away from home. I'm not complaining about that part, I loved my life as a wife and mother.
I think it's time to be a teenager, to explore and have fun. Carefree - no obligations.
Identity Issue
Legally - I'm not married, I don't have a husband anymore. The vows did say 'til death do we part, or something like that. When I fill out a form at the dentist, I have to check the box "single". I had to change my emergency contact. I have to file my taxes as a single person. What do I put for my status on Facebook? - I left it blank. In my blog, I often mention "my husband", this may be confusing for some new readers that have not read the entire blog. I read several blogs written by widows, they refer to their husbands by his first initial. I don't feel like I am single, I spent 2/3 of my life with Stump. I don't like the word "widow".
I have created a photo/memorabilia album that I have been working on for a few months, it starts in 1974 and goes to 2009. Photos, dried flowers, ticket stubs, vacation brochures, charms, etc. My whole "past life" fits in one photo album. I can take it with me on my journey.
Time to start a new life, I can't have yesterday - I can only live for TODAY.
And so the problem is.......
ReplyDeleteIt was close to two years before I truly felt single...and I finally started referring to my late husband rather than my husband.
ReplyDeleteDon't fret it...it will all come more easily with time.
You are in a time of transition. Have fun, but be careful. Don't fall in love or invest in anything for a few years.
ReplyDeleteeveryone mourns in different ways..you do what you need to do..be it feeling like you are having an identity crisis or not..hang in there..one day at a time is all that you can do.
ReplyDeleteHi again, I had a little time today, waiting for the paint to dry, so I went back to the beginning of your blog and read all of your posts. Thats not hard when it is only a couple of months! I have done it by subject for some of the bloggers who have been at it for a while.
ReplyDeleteI have a better feeling of who you are now. I'm sorry about your loss of your husband in the past. But now you do have a wonderful opportunity to find yourself and really enjoy a new life.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to share it with us in blogland. We can all learn from each other.