Remember that when you leave this Earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received, only what you have given, a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage. -St. Francis of Assisi

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Identity Crisis

Are you unsure of your role in life? Do you feel like you don't know the "real you"?

Theorist Erik Erikson coined the term 'identity crisis'. It's a time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself. He said the emergence of an identity crisis occurs during the teenage years.
I didn't have typical teenage years, my youngest sister was born the week I graduated from grammar school, both parents worked and had other issues, so my oldest sister and I quickly became caretakers of an infant. I started a full time job at a bank when I was 16 (enrolled in a special school program, I received credit for working). I grew up too fast. I married young and didn't go to college, so I didn't have those wild carefree days away from home.  I'm not complaining about that part,  I loved my life as a wife and mother.

I think it's time to be a teenager, to explore and have fun. Carefree - no obligations.

 Identity Issue
Legally - I'm not married, I don't have a husband anymore. The vows did say 'til death do we part, or something like that.  When I fill out a form at the dentist, I have to check the box "single". I had to change my emergency contact.  I have to file my taxes as a single person.  What do I put for my status on Facebook? - I left it blank. In my blog, I often mention "my husband", this may be confusing for some new readers that have not read the entire blog. I read several blogs written by widows, they refer to their husbands by his first initial.  I don't feel like I am single, I spent 2/3 of my life with Stump. I don't like the word "widow".  

 I have created a photo/memorabilia album that I have been working on for a few months, it starts in 1974 and goes to 2009. Photos, dried flowers, ticket stubs, vacation brochures, charms, etc.  My whole "past life" fits in one photo album. I can take it with me on my journey.
Time to start a new life, I can't have yesterday - I can only live for TODAY.


  1. It was close to two years before I truly felt single...and I finally started referring to my late husband rather than my husband.

    Don't fret will all come more easily with time.

  2. You are in a time of transition. Have fun, but be careful. Don't fall in love or invest in anything for a few years.

  3. everyone mourns in different do what you need to it feeling like you are having an identity crisis or not..hang in day at a time is all that you can do.

  4. Hi again, I had a little time today, waiting for the paint to dry, so I went back to the beginning of your blog and read all of your posts. Thats not hard when it is only a couple of months! I have done it by subject for some of the bloggers who have been at it for a while.

    I have a better feeling of who you are now. I'm sorry about your loss of your husband in the past. But now you do have a wonderful opportunity to find yourself and really enjoy a new life.

    Thank you in advance for taking the time to share it with us in blogland. We can all learn from each other.


Hi, I welcome your thoughts and comments.

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It is the sandstorm that shape the stone statues of the Desert. It is the struggles of Life that form a person's character ~ Native American Proverb